THE LAWS OF COLLEGE FOOD

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From the Something Awful goons comes some timely advice for those heading off to college or university, The Laws Of College Food.
>1. Milk shall never last more than three days after date of purchase, no matter how well it is kept. There shall be no transitory stages between fresh milk and huge nasty curds.

>2. Leftovers from any meal eaten off campus shall be forgotten about until they are inedible.

>3. No freezer shall function properly for more than a week at a time.

>4. Any attempt to microwave popcorn shall require no fewer than three bags, as two must first be sacrificed to Radiopherous, God of Burning Things In the Microwave Regardless of How Little Time You Put Them In There For.

>5. The more food that has been deposited into any given trash receptacle, the longer that trash receptacle will go without being emptied. If a trash can is filled with empty containers and paper products, it will be emptied immediately upon becoming full. If it is filled with rotten fruit, half-eaten pizza slices, and wasted Chinese food, no one will empty it until the surrounding trash mound begins attending classes of its own.

>6. Any open food or beverage container, if placed on the ground, will be knocked over, no matter how out of the way you put it. The laws of probability and physics will rearrange to ensure that maximum spillage is achieved.

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