CAN’T SHAKE THIS FEELING

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I’ve finally figured out why I haven’t had the deisre to blog for the last few weeks. I’m riding an emotional roller coaster and I don’t trust myself at the moment.

They say that writing is a catharses, it releases the frustrations by confronting them head on. Perhaps. Life is always a series of highs and lows but when you switch with terrifying rapidity the effect is like vertigo. I’m afraid to open my mouth because I really don’t know what’s going to come out. Will I be overly negative as I was earlier this week before a group of my peers? Or will I be yappy and goofy? I don’t have a script in my head to follow.

It’s no secret to anyone that knows me that I resent the commerialization of the Christmas season and this is guaranteed to put me in a bad mood but it usually doesn’t happen this early. My sister is not well and it’s really hurting my mother and I feel a tremendous helplessness because I can’t make it right. I’m behind at work and I find myself staring at the pile of important and trivial things that need doing and I can’t seem to make a dent in it. Put everything together and you have a perfect storm but that still doesn’t explain why I feel the way I do today.

Two weeks from today will be the first day of our extended Christmas vacation. We don’t return to work until the New Year. Jan and I have made a pact that we’re not going to get caught up in the Xmas hoopla and we’re looking forward to a relaxing visit to Maxine’s on the big day. Hopefully Susan will be out of hospital and her demons will be under control. Isn’t this the season for hopes and wishes? I think we all deserve a break.

The pendulum will swing – it always does.

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